I’d like to announce one of two Lucky Rob awards that I’m unveiling this month. These prestigious recognitions are only given to carefully selected and screened candidates. It’s a rigorous and thorough process.

The first award that I’m unveiling today is named in honor of a great patriot and statesmen. A man that has clearly put the needs of the common American ahead of big business. That believes in accountability, transparency, and fair play. I’m talking about Vice President Cheney, of course. In honor of this wonderful man each award recipient is going to be named in his honor.

So without further ado – Congratulations, Kevin Siembieda, you’re a Dick!

For those outsiders in the RPG community, Kevin Siembieda is the co-founder and owner of Palladium Books in 1981. Their titles include Robotech, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Heroes Unlimited, and, most famously, Rifts.

The big advantage about Palladium vs. any other system was the concept of the Multiverse. They had a single set of rules and each new setting, title, or licensed property was adapted to this core set. And they had a wide diversity of titles – past, fantasy, mutants, superheroes, mecha, post-apocalypse, time travel, and more.

In addition, they are particularly adept at artwork for super technology. The pictures, a lot actually done by Siembieda, were exceptional. To me they presented the only viable alternative to D&D.

Here’s the problem in two-parts. First, the core rule system for the Multiverse is horrible. Terrible. Infantile. I don’t believe that Palladium play tested a single product. Their strategy is to release product after product as soon as possible. There is no regard to game balance, product layout or organization, or integration with existing products.

It’s one thing for different products to mix poorly, such as After the Bomb characters fighting Robotech enemies. But what about in the same product? For example, why would a player ever want to play a Wilderness Scout or Body Doc when they can play a Glitterboy or Dragon? The Glitterboy’s boom gun can do up to 180 MD with a single shot.

Another problem? There are 15 levels for each RCC or OCC (class). If a 1st level Juicer runs into a 15th level Juicer, there is hardly any difference separating the two. There is no incentive for advancement, no payoff for experience points. Its all equipment based. Get the bigger toy and dominate.

Also try to run a combat with one power armor, say the SAMAS, against ground forces. First, they offer no advice on a tactical map. Second, no movement guide for your characters. Thirdly, the SAMAS is jetting around at 250mph with a rail gun with a range of 2,000ft. Any tips on how to manage such a huge combat zone? Nope. None. That would require rules, which would require thought.

The second part of this is really why Kevin Siembieda really deserves this award. There are plenty of sucky gaming systems out there that I’m not specifically mentioning. The big thing about Kevin is that he is a short-sighted fascist.

He bootstrapped his business and like most entrepreneurs (and all unsuccessful ones), he just can’t let go of his baby. The cease and desist letter to fan sites with fan content is pretty famous on the Internet. I just can’t think of a better way to build lasting relationships with your biggest fans than to threaten legal action against them for getting excited about your products. Its called the Internet, the age of information. No one is allowed to contribute content or ideas or conversions. If you don’t like it, he’ll take his toys and go home (and threaten a lawsuit).

This tactic is particularly exposed considering the d20 is open source. Just look at the popularity that 3.0 generated by doing that with other publishers joining the fray. Maybe Kevin Siembieda is avoiding open source because it will only further expose his rule set as flawed and amateurish.

So go ahead, Kevin Siembieda, ride the Rifts gravy train while it lasts with your 75 source books and counting until your next financial crisis (which you blamed on your accountant. Oh poo poo, Mr. Kevin). Best of luck.

And remember …

You’re a Dick.