I love crossovers.  For the uninitiated, crossovers are when one series or fictional universe intersects with another one.  Like when Freddy Krueger fought Jason Vorhees in Freddy vs. Jason or even something as innocuous as the cast of Vegas showing up in Crossing Jordan.

The first time I was exposed to it was the graphic novel – Batman vs. the Hulk.  Of course, they turned out to be allies in their crusade to fight the Joker and his minions, but there was actually a scene where they fought.  Who won?  Batman.  I know, absolute crap.  How did he win?  Batman threw some sleeping pellets, the Hulk tried to hold his breath, and then batman side kicked him in the stomach to force him to breathe and – wallah – the Hulk goes to sleep.

Horse kaka. That’s what I think of that.

If those pills were strong enough to put the Hulk to sleep, they would be absolutely lethal to the normal person.  Call them Death Pills.  Second, the Hulk absorbs tank rounds to the obliques on a daily basis, but the bat-kick knocks the wind out him?  For this reason and the undeniable injustice, DC Comics will burn in hell forever.

As usual, I digress.  Here then is the first crossover Verses match-up.  Be sure to check out the first match up with Kobe vs. MJ.

The rumble in the jungle – Sabretooth vs. Blanka.

Sabretooth: A combination of savage beast and homicidal maniac, Sabretooth or Victor Creed is the arch-nemesis of Wolverine.  Like Logan, he is a mutant and possesses similar powers.  Consider him the evil version of Wolverine in nearly every regard, except that he sports a fancy mane.

Powers:

• Accelerated Healing which has also increased his longevity.  Of course, this has been widely manipulated by the comics to varying degrees so there is no telling if his Healing Factor is Remarkable (30) or Monstrous (75).  We’ll just assume that it is comparable to Wolverine’s.
• Superhuman Senses such as Nightvision, Telescopic Viewing, Ultrasonic Hearing, Tracking by Smell.
• Berserker Fury
• Superstrength, not Thor-level strength, probably more on the level of Captain America or a perhaps even a little greater.  He is stronger and much bigger than Wolverine, though.
• Super Stamina, partially granted by the Healing Factor, but also naturally durable
• Natural Weaponry which include retractable claws (more like a cat than Wolvie’s) and teeth.  At times thorughout his career, he’s had adamantium additions to make them stronger.

Unfortunately, as with all super-hero story arcs, it gets a like a soap opera when you have 30+ years of comics.  The Sabre creator, Chris Claremont, originally intended for him to be Wolverine’s dad back in 1977.  Just around the time of Star Wars and the whole Vader-Luke thing.  Another Wolverine author didn’t like the idea and in a Maury Povich twist had a genetic testing completed by S.H.I.E.L.D. to verify that “Sabretooth is NOT the father!”

Historically, Sabretooth was in the Weapon X program, which tampered with his memories and potentially augmented his natural powers, though how is subject to debate and is hardly canon and different writers have gone in different directions.  Of course, there were tales of childhood abuse from his father sprinkled into his story line – probably added in the late 80s during the feel-good psychology movement (thank you Oprah).  It’s not your fault you have killed women on three different continents, you just didn’t get enough hugs from your father.

Another cool thing is that unlike other super villains or hired muscle, Sabretooth specializes in fighting super-powered opponents and wins or nearly wins quite often (for a villain).  Just ask his battle bitch, Hank McCoy.  Also surprisingly is the number of supers he has killed – including Silver Fox, several Morlocks, Copycat, and others.

The highlights of Sabretooth’s long career is that he routinely beats Wolverine in a one-on-one berserker rubber match.  Recently, a regressed Sabretooth was beheaded by Wolvie and his magic sword, the Muramasa Blade, but of course, we know that he won’t stay dead.  In addition, he was admirably played by Tyler Mane in the first X-Men movie.

Blanka: First appeared in the Street Fighter II (1991) video game as a playable character, representing Brazil.  He’s mutish-looking, though I wouldn’t call him a mutant.  Maybe more like Altered Human.  Though he’s the martial arts representative from Brazil in the secret tournament of criminal mastermind M. Bison, most likely he was a tourist boy that was lost in the Amazon and learned to survive.

His end-game story reveals that his real name is Jimmy.  Blanka comes from the Brazilians initially calling him Hombre Blanco (white man).  This is strange though, because that is Spanish not Portuguese, the language of Brazil.  Had our Japanese game designers done a little more research, his name could have been Branco.  Either way, he’s called “Whitey”.  On the bright side, if he had been from Detroit, his name could have been “Cracker-ass Cracker”.

Styles make fights and Street Fighter II was the epitome of the old adage.  Though there is no fighting style that teaches flying cannonballs, talon rakes, electrical discharges, or cannibalism, he was credited with a form of capoeira combined with self-taught savage fighting.  Powers include:

• Natural weapons such as claws and teeth
• Superstrength – there is really no way to tell how strong he is, but physically he’s similar in proportions to Sabretooth and has exceptional musculature in all of his depictions
• Electrical Discharge that he generates by hunkering down and grunting.  Pretty powerful in the game.
• Super Agility.  I’d say a flying cannonball, rolling attacks, and qualifies.

The green skin?  Well, the story continues to reach.  Apparently, his green skin is the result of rubbing himself with the extracted chlorophyll from jungle plants for better camouflage and it eventually became permanent.  Have they tried Tide with Bleach?  It’s great on grass stains.  Also, in other iterations of Street Fighter, Blanka is different colors (yellow, blue, etc).

Just like E. Honda, Blanka was a very popular character, because his electricity field was very easy to generate and countered jump kicks nicely.  He has consistently appeared in all iterations of Street Fighter, including the Marvel vs. Capcom game.

Then there is the Street Fighter movie.  Yeah, it sucked … even for late career, desperate Van Damme.  As much as I’d like to erase parts of my own history, my time in a Mexican jail will always be there.  And so will the Blanka in this movie.  Just to illustrate how much damage Blanka’s coolness suffered, I’ve included a picture (right).  Damn.  He looks like the Hulk’s jaundiced little brother trying out for Twisted Sister.

Quite frankly, I’m embarrassed for him.

Results

I have to admit that before I started doing research for this article, I was strongly in favor of Blanka winning their duel.  But the more I found out about Sabretooth, the cooler he became beyond just the super-powered mook, and the more I found out about Blanka, well, the less cool he became almost in a Pokemon way.

At first, I was thinking that there was no way for Sabretooth to overcome the Electrical Discharge, but in reality if they just wigged out and did an animal vs. animal fight with only the occasional discharge, Sabretooth would win in spades, particularly with the advanced healing and adamantium claws.

Is there anyone that thinks that Blanka would beat Wolverine?  Me neither – and Sabretooth has beaten Wolvie several times.  This comes down to an NC-17 psycho facing off against a PG Saturday morning cartoon.

After all, his name is either “Whitey” or “Jimmy” … is there anyway he could win?

Winner: Sabretooth

Let me know what you think.