ZURICH, Switzerland (AP) A Greek international was released from Interpol custody today after it was found his collection of 120,000 explicit images, originally thought to be child pornography, was in fact just hobbits.  The suspect, Giorgio Doxiadis, was released from custody with an official apology from the European police after being detained for two weeks after a routine inspection at airport customs.  Officials say that the maiming he received while in custody was standard operating procedure learned from interrogation experts on loan from the United States. [Read Column]

The Marvel Olympics are finished.  Each race and nation sent their very best to complete in the spirit of fair play and super human abilities.  Uatu the Watcher, honorary referee and judge for all of the Marvel Games, has vowed that there will be no cheating as there was in the notorious Madripoor ‘96 Games with the so-called Skrull Tampering.

Let’s take a look at the results. [Read Column]

The Nazis have come up in the news again.  No group in the history of mankind has such a reputation and stank of evil as the National Socialists, except perhaps Zoobilee Zoo and their commune of Dr. Moreau abominations and sing-song insanity.  I want to take a break from my usual self to report on a story that I initially read on CNN.com that spoke of a son’s life mission to redeem his family name from the specter of Nazism. [Read Column]

The Beijing Olympics are officially over.  All scores have been tallied and all times have been measured.  Every match, game, and competition has been decided.  Every metal awarded.  Now I can finally breathe a sigh of relief that the Redeem Team lived up to its name and brought back the gold medal for Men’s Basketball to its rightful home.  I didn’t want to write this column until the gold was signed, sealed, and delivered for fear of jinxing them.  Whew. [Read Column]

I’m making an interstellar request to our neighbors on Mars.  The evil ones that got a lot of press in the first half of the twentieth century, not the ones that built a big atmosphere machine with huge blocks of ice so that the mutants could eventually breathe.  You know – the ones with antimatter cannons and cannibal robots.  To any and all Martians that are listening, please load up your hyperdrive battle cruisers with legions of tripods, zip over to Earth, and invade us.  Please. [Read Column]