And Now I Can Breathe Again
The Beijing Olympics are officially over. All scores have been tallied and all times have been measured. Every match, game, and competition has been decided. Every metal awarded. Now I can finally breathe a sigh of relief that the Redeem Team lived up to its name and brought back the gold medal for Men’s Basketball to its rightful home. I didn’t want to write this column until the gold was signed, sealed, and delivered for fear of jinxing them. Whew.
For me, the men’s basketball competition was the most important in these Olympic games. It’s sad to say that I’m not joyous, excited, or ecstatic that we won. I’m relieved. We should win, we’re the best team, the best players, the best coach. So I’m relieved. I’m an avid NBA fan, a mildly indifferent college basketball fan, and a complete no-shot, no-hops, no-handles whiteboy player. Truth be known, I’m much better at soccer than any other sport besides Warhammer 40k: Dawn of War should that be considered a sport. But the Olympics is my basketball World Cup.
OK, in truth, nothing is my World Cup of something else. The Porsche is not my World Cup of cars. Chocolate milk is not my World Cup of tasty beverages. Anything made in that comparison does a disservice to the greatness of the World Cup. It’s like 30 days of Christmas morning. Or my first boobie feel stretched over 112 games. The sun is brighter, the grass is greener, my knees younger just for WC summer.
So the Olympics is the most important international basketball tournament to me and the second most important team sport tournament. Based on our performance over the last eight years, I was in a state of constant cardiac arrest during the preliminary matches in Macau all the way through the final with Spain.
There are truly two world sports. Soccer (proper football) and basketball. There are other sports that a lot of countries play, such as baseball, rugby, or cricket, but they are still highly regionalized. No one in Europe or Africa plays baseball and no outside of the Commonwealth plays cricket or rugby.
Soccer is head and shoulders the most popular sport in existence. FIFA, the world governing body, has 208 member countries. That is 16 more than the United Nations. That is 3 more than the Olympics. The World Cup is the most viewed spectacle on the planet with an average viewership of double that of the Olympics. In fact, just to watch the group draw of the 2006 World Cup drew 300 million visitors. The UEFA championship (annual European club championship) game draws 279 million visitors compared to the best Superbowl (2008) numbers of 150 million.
So in the king sport, there is one distinct leader. Brazil. They possess five World Cup championships out of a possible 18. They’ve placed second twice. Brazilian players have been awarded the FIFIA World Player of the Year 8 times out of 17 possible (Kaka, Ronaldinho, Ronaldo, Rivaldo, and Romario) with six more runners-up. The reigning women’s world player is the Brazilian Marta, back to back.
Did you think I’d forget to mention Pele? Robinho? Denilson? Jairzinho? Garrincha? Roberto Carlos? I could go on and on.
Their World Cup record is unmatched. Their record is 64-14-14 out of 92 games played. Their losing percentage is only 15%. By the way, I’m using losing instead of winning as a percentage for a better comparison to basketball because in soccer lots of games end in ties which is still strategically advantageous. They are the only country to have played in every World Cup.
Not only do they win, but their players are the most creative, dazzling, and instinctive on the ball. They’re so used to winning that their 1994 World Cup champion team was roasted by the Brazilian media for playing boring football unlike the Samba Kings of old. As the saying goes, “the English invented the game, the Brazilians perfected it.”
The second most popular world sport is basketball and growing rapidly. FIBA has 213 member nations, which is actually more than FIFA, though the number of participants and viewers worldwide is lower than proper football. In China alone, it’s estimated that there are 300,000,000 people that play basketball and 600,000 new courts have or are being constructed in recent years. Even a casual fan can see the influx of foreign players into the Association, such as Steve Nash from Canada, Luol Deng from the Sudan, Yao Ming from China, and Sam Cassell from outerspace.
Basketball was invented in Massachusetts by a Canadian YMCA teacher back in 1891. FIBA was formed in 1932 (without the USA, I might add) and basketball was officially included in the Olympics starting in 1936. So even though the Yanks (and Canucks) invented basketball, we only got a ~40 year head start on the rest of the world. With that being said, the USA is clearly the dominant team in international basketball, despite having a different set of rules in their domestic league.
Our Olympic record is just sick, 114-5 or a losing percentage of just 4% in seven two years of play. In fact, its so sick I just puked all over my keyboard. Not really. We’ve 13 gold medals of the 16 Olympics that our teams were allowed to compete (Moscow 1980). Of course, we should have won 14, but we were completely screwed in Munich in 1972 by poor/dirty officiating (second place) in which 1) the Russians got TWO repeat chances to win the game, 2) Comrade Alexander Belov wiped out both American defenders with a Siberian arm bar before he caught the ball on the second attempt, and 3) a long clock on the second chance which extended 3 seconds of game time to 6 seconds. Congrats, you Commie bastards.
Despite that, we’ve never placed lower than third. If you consider the FIBA World Championships which are held in offsetting four year increments to the Olympics, our record is not as collosal. It’s not a tournament that we nationally hold in high regard and our efforts are generally less serious, but let’s include it anyway.
We’ve had 15 appearances and won 3 golds, 3 silvers, and 4 bronzes. Our record is 105-27 or 20.5% losing percentage. If you aggregate both records, Olympics and World Championships, you get a combined record of 219-32 for a losing percentage of under 13%. Combine that with 15 championships out of 31 tournaments.
Can’t we say that the USA basketball team is the most dominant team in sports history?
Well … most dominant? … that’s a bold statement …
HELL YES WE CAN!
I challenge you to name me one team from world sport has a better record, more championships, or bigger stars than USA basketball. Name me any TWO teams combined!
It was essential, paramount that we put together a real team of complimentary players that know the international game, play team defense, shoot lights out from the field, and pressure the opposing ball handler with our elite athleticism. The rest of the world certainly has gotten better and I’ve heard valid, logical, and intelligent arguments that the Redeem Team was better than the Dream Team. But consider the way we play basketball. We’re Brazil, the rest of the world is the USA. Or at best Italy.
We’re still pulling off windmill dunks, behind the back no look passes, ankle breaking crossovers, you name it. Our flair is still there. We’re still the most entertaining team to watch in the world. What we’ve added is LeBron James blocking layups with both hands off the backboard, Chris Paul wracking up 5 steals a game, and an opponent’s shooting percentage in the rec leagues.
I wish we could have gotten Stone Cold Steven Austin to announce our games or at least introduce the starting lineup for each game. That’s the vitriole I felt in my soul towards the bearded Euro-trash that we faced in our matches. Let Carlos Boozer swill some Old Milwaukee while standing on the second turnbuckle and flipping off of the Beijing audience with the sound of crashing glass in the background. Wade 3:16, bitches.
So good on Kobe, LeBron, Dwyane, ‘Melo, Boozer, Kidd, CP-3, Deron Williams, Bosh, Superman, Tayshaun, Michael Redd, and even the Dukie ringleader Coach K. Now I can finally exhale.
At least until Turkey 2010. And London 2012. And …
9 Comments so far
The anti-American bias in the Olympics is nauseating. They’re axing Softball and Baseball, essentially because USandA dominates (and, Herro?, what the hell happened in Softball? We had given up like five runs in the last two Olympics combined, and then lose 3-1 in the finals to Japan. I bet the Japanese are more than a little pissed the sport has been cancelled just as they start to get good. But I can also see a bit of the younger brother finally winning a game of Double Dribble, and then refusing to ever play again, retiring as Champion.) And I know Jenny finch is pissed. And she is way, way too hot to be pissed.
I’m afraid basketball will suffer the same fate if we continue to win the way we have. (and did it bug the shit out of anyone else that announcers kept saying the US hadn’t won Gold in eight years, as if we didn’t deserve an invitation to the 2008 Games?!?! The Olympics only happen every four years, a-holes! We didn’t win Gold in one Olympics, and they act like we’re on a decade long win-drought. Peckers, the lot of them.) I think there many other so-called “athletic” endeavors that really are neither athletic, nor endeavors (discuss).
Brian Clay won the decathalon. Evidently, winning this allows the athlete to claim the mantle of “greatest all around athlete in the world”. Two things bother me about this. 1. He doesn’t actually play any sports, he just performs “feats”, 2. He has a day job.
To me, it ought to take more than just working out hard after your shift at the Home Depot to be considered the world’s greatest anything, save dork. I mean, Clay is in fantastic shape and is certainly “athletic”. But can he hit a curve ball? Take it to the rack in traffic? Catch a pass across the middle? Dig a May/Walsh hit? Bend it like Beckham? Putt from the rough? (sorry, too easy). I doubt it. Everyone knows that guy from pick-up games who is in great condition and looks good without a shirt who never-the-less sucks at basketball/soccer/flag football/etc. Having good lung capacity does not make you an athlete.
The Pentathalon ought to consist of 10 sports drills. What 10 components of sport should comprise the event to make the winner truly able to crow about being the world’s greatest all around athlete?
1 – Throwing Distance(Shot, Javelin, discuss)
2 – Throwing Precision (Dunk Tank, Bean Bag toss, etc.)
3 – Running Distance (10,000 meters or more, maybe just how far can you get in 90 minutes)
4 – Running Sprint (100 – 400 meters, take your pick)
5 – Lifting (Dead Weight)
6 – Jumping (Long, High, Pentuple)
7 – Swimming (Open Water, swimmer’s choice of stroke. None of that 50M sissy swimming.)
8 – Kicking Distance (I think that’s self explanatory)
9 – Kicking Precision (Field Goal, PK, foot up your ass)
10 – Programming (COBOL, A++, ASCII)
There’s no way to uniformly evaluate an athlete’s ability to hit a curveball or take it to the hole because of the human factor. Perhaps if you come up with a way to get close, you can call that person the “World’s Best Sportsman.” Until then, you have to break it down into athletic elements that suggest the person could perform other athletic feats well.
I couldn’t come up with a legitimate #10 that fit the spirit of the list. Running stairs or something like that just doesn’t seem to fit.
I can’t poo poo on the decathalon or penthalon as I just claimed Jim Thorpe was one of the greatest athletes ever and these were his Olympic events. I will say that some of these combo-events are ridiculous. I guess the best way I can defend it is to take a specialist from another sport, such as the DH, who are generally big fat guys that just have big bats, and then ask them to train to be a point guard as well. It’s hard because each position requires a different body type and physique as well as requiring time to be divided so that mastery must be sacrificed for proficiency in both disciplines.
Though, it is pathetic to watch an decathalete perform admirably in javelin, pole vault, etc. only to watch them suck wind for 800m and finish with the Broken Arrow Junior Varsity track team. If you can’t run, then why should you even be allowed to play with the other toys? Take a lap!
To add my own thoughts to the 8′ list above:
11. Physical Durability (get punched and kicked like boxers and MMA to test best chin, etc. again this is a skill that can be improved through training and repetition as well as some people have genetic advantage)
12. Response Time (have them respond to blinking lights to measure how quickly their brain processes … I think it DiMaggio that could see the laces on the baseball as it sailing towards home)
13. Mental Toughness/Willpower (what I’d love to see is a test that measures how fit someone is, their genetic advantage, diet, etc and then clears that from the board so that each person is started out at the same relative exhaustion or quantifiable suffering and then see who has the biggest will to continue to run, perform, and endure the pain. For me to run a marathon vs. a Kenyan is a comparison of fitness, I guarantee they’ll win, but I’d be the one enduring more pain. That factor I’d like to see measured).
There is an anti-American bias … 1972 Munich … Basketball Final … I can’t state this enough. Why is it that every organizing sports body (Olympics, FIBA, FIFA) was organized by the French? And then they jump out of NATO … even though they are surrounded on every border by NATO countries with USA tanks, planes, and soldiers to protect Europe?
That really chaps my hide.
I think hand-eye coordination has to have a spot. And no worries on the duplicity of Jim Thorpe as a decathlete/world’s greatest athlete. He ALSO played real sports. The decathalon does good at testing specific things, and Thorpe demonstrated the ability to string them all together on the field.
I’d like to see them find a way to make them play 10 sports, but as an individual.
1. Running
2. Baseball
3. Basketball
4. Football
5. Soccer
6. Tennis
7. Wrestling
8. Swimming
9. Jumping (long and high)
10. Obstacle Course
Running and jumping should be taken out as its so intrinsic to basketball, football, etc. How about replacing them with Dodgeball and Red Rover?
Also, I like the Obstacle Course … are you thinking Japanese TV, as well?
No, but it seems to truly test ones applicable athletic prowess. A lion will never throw you a pass across the middle, but being able to jump all nimbly pimbly from branch to ground, across rivers, etc would be helpful.
And there is speed and “football” speed. A test of pure running wouldn’t be too redundant.
And I think dodgeball is the ultimate test of manhood, not necessarily athletic prowess. So awesome.
The best part about dodgeball is when the game starts and all of the balls are in the center of the court. John here loved to run straight up to it and kick it full force into the face of some poor bastard reaching for it.
“Mama, watchyoo cookin?”
Untrue.
But I can appreciate the sentiment. Sigmachi, do or die? How about a little Taste of what you’re already good and used to? Yes, I mean balls in the face.
I think there is precedent for Olympic Dodgeball. I believe the ancient Mayans/Incans played a version, though methinks theirs was a bloodier, less playful iteration. It’s worth a trial shot. We have air pistol and curling for Jeesum Crow.
Speaking of Olympics, riddle me this: Given that Kobe and Lebron get 3 months to practice, could they beat the sexy volleyball duo that is May/Walsh?
Craig think he a mack.
Macaroni!
I can’t say that I watched much volley ball in the Olympics. My guess is that the digging part is probably something that 3 months can’t teach. Also, instead of Kobe (6′ 6″) how about Dwight Howard (7′ and Slam Dunk champion) with much younger legs. Can you imagine his highlights at net?