The last  Vs. match-up put mighty Sabretooth of Marvel against an over-matched Blanka from Streetfighter.  Ultimately, Blanca’s downfall was directly correlated to his name being translated into Whitey and having grass stains on his flesh to explain his green skin.  Victor Creed is still picking bits out of his teeth.

In the next installment of Vs. I’m continuing with the superhero battle against video game icon.  I’m also increasing the power levels, ass kicking probability, and metropolis collateral damage.  Time for some punches that send the combatants through a couple of buildings.  Time for some innocent citizens to run in terror as two titans battle in downtown.  It’s a battle of elements – air vs. water.  The Prince of the Atlantean Empire vs. the God of Storms.

It’s Namor the Sub-Mariner vs. Raiden the Thunder God.

vs

Namor: It’s always interesting to start digging into comic book history and if you’re researching the Submariner, you’re going back to the Golden Age of comics.  His first appearance was in 1939.  Shee-it.  I did not know that.  That’s nearly 70 years.

The inspiration and origin of the superhero in its creation and development is an important point.  I looked and Aqua Man first appeared in 1941.  I was worried that he was the Marvel spin-off of the a DC Comics character, which would have been a death sentence.  But I can breathe a sigh of relief that he’s not.  And based on the similar scale mail in the other underwater hero, I think its safe to say that Aqua Man is instead carrying Namor’s green, armored jock.

Namor is famous in comics lore because he’s the first anti-hero.  He’s not evil, but put plainly he’s an asshole.  When it comes to superheroes that are jerks, let me quote from the Book of Jules:

Vincent: But bacon tastes good, pork chops taste good…

Jules: Hey, sewer rat may taste like pumpkin pie, But I’d never know ’cause I wouldn’t eat the filthy motherfuckers.  Pigs sleep and root in shit, that’s a filthy animal.  I don’t eat nothin’ that ain’t got sense enough to disregard its own feces.

Vincent: How about a dog? A dog eats its own feces

Jules: I don’t eat dog either

Vincent: Yeah, but do you consider a dog to be a filthy animal?

Jules: I wouldn’t go so far as to call a dog filthy, but it’s definitely dirty.  But, dogs got personality, personality goes a long way.

I couldn’t feel more strongly about Namor in the same context.  He’s got personality and while he sits idly eating shell fish while the annoying, Terran grandpa is falling down a flight of steps, despite himself he’s likable.  Even in the early days, he was thumping the Human Torch and the other goodies, but when WWII rolled around, he fought against the U-boats and Nazis.  I respect a guy that does his own thing.

Here’s another claim to fame for the Submariner.  He’s the product of an Atlantean mother, Princess Fen, and a human father, Captain Leonard McKenzie.  As a hybrid, his powers and features are a mix of both genetic pools, but … inexplicably he’s got powers that neither side possesses.  Such as the power of flight.  Not to mention, he’s a hell of a lot stronger than either side.  So there you go, he’s also the first mutant.

His powers are exceptional.  First and most obvious, he’s completely amphibious.  Unlike other amphibians, he doesn’t dry out on land.  Namor’s completely fine in either setting.  You can also make the claim that he’s got some degree of immortality or at least anti-aging cream because he’s unchanged after 70 years of comic book action.  Primary among his powers is his strength.  Namor has battled the Hulk and Thor in hand to hand combat.  I’d put him in line with the Thing in terms of strength, a challenge for the biggies, but ultimately having to rely more on peripheral powers and quick thinking to win.  Now if part of his body is touching the sea or he gets wet, he’s much stronger.

The other powers are truly the result of living on the bottom of the sea.  He’s body is denser than normal humans, meaning that he can withstand ocean floor pressure and thereby physical damage in general.  The cold of the oceans has also made him resistance to freezing attacks.  He’ll also make Michael Phelps his bitch in any stroke imaginable with his hyper swimming.  He’s also unaffected by the viscosity of water, able to move and fight freely.  I already mentioned that he can fly, though not very fast.  He’s the moped of fliers.

For those Marvel game nerds out there, he’s a refresher of his FASERIP: Incredible, Remarkable, Monstrous, Amazing, Typical, Remarkable, and Incredible.  He’s a great fighter, hella strong, not too smart, but head strong.

One last note, a Namor movie is in the works with rumors of the Rock playing the lead.

Raiden: While Mortal Kombat first came out in 1992 as a response to Capcom’s Streetfighter II, Raiden is based on the actual mythological being from Japanese mythology (Raijin). In those depictions, he’s an evil demon that plagues the islands.  This is a typical representation of the animistic concept of storms in early societies.  It makes life harder, seems like a curse, and is thus anthropomorphically manifested into an evil, vengeful spirit that must be satiated or appeased.

I’ll have to admit that I hate the graphics of MK.  It’s not very exciting to watch a digitized, fat redneck do side kicks that don’t get above his waist (see Johnny Cage).  I think when they play tested the game, the designers were like, “um … this sucks.  How about we add a lot of gratuitous blood?”  And there you go, history is made.  To put it more adroitly, the MK graphics reminds me of the LotR rotoscoping of Shaka-Zulu scenes.

That’s not to say that MK is all bad.  It did bring us quotes like, “Test your might” and “Fatality” and “Sub-zero vs. Liu Kang – Round 1 – Fight!” and “Flawless Victory”.  These were my mainstays during college intramurals and fraternity hazing.

Here’s another tidbit that John Carpenter fans already know.  The god Raiden has been around forever, but the MK conceptualization comes directly from Big Trouble in Little China.  The movie came out in 1986.  While he scores low on the originality score, I can think of a lot of other movies that would be worse to look for ideas.

Did you know that MK was originally supposed to be a Van Damme tribute game?  Johnny Cage even had a do the splits, nut punch in homage to Bloodsport.  In Kickboxer, a drunk Jean Claude gets drunk and dances with a couple of Thai hookers (funny how drama mirrors real-life).  So in that context, Raiden comes out looking awesome.

Raiden was my favorite character in the series.  I like the mysteriousness of the covered, glowing eyes and the ripples of electrical energy coursing through his body.  Let’s review his powers.  He could shoot electrical missiles, teleport by calling down lightning and disappearing into the sky, and most impressively fly across the screen in a burst of energy and drive his opponent into a wall.  Like Namor, he can fly and much more skillfully, as well.

The key of Raiden’s powers and fighting styles is his supply of electrical energy.  As the MK franchise developed, variations on this theme were developed.  I think my favorite fatality is when he grabs his opponent and channels so much power into their body that their head explodes.  Darryl Revok eat your heat out.  All over the world, prepubescent teens immediately started into a Butthead gurgle of dumb laughter at the sight of it.

As we saw with Blanka, video games do suffer from quality control when it comes to movies.  Unfortunately, in a good Mortal Kombat first movie and equally good title song, he was played by Christopher Lambert as a wafer-eating hippie with a Hellen Mirren haircut.  Lambert will always get his props as Highlander, but this is horrible casting.  The character is subjected to further humiliation when in Mortal Kombat: Annihilation he’s played by an equally non-threatening James Remar.  Couldn’t they just hire THE Lightning from Big Trouble – let me help, his name is James Pax.  Please, please, please give him a call for Mortal Kombat: Devastation (2010).

Results: Before anyone plays the “Raiden’s a god, Namor’s a mortal” card, let’s remember that Raiden is beatable as seen in the Mortal Kombat games.  As a playable character, that means that other martial artists can beat him.  Now is it realistic that types of Shang Tsung, Raiden, and Goro can be beaten by Sonya Blade?  No.  For Christ’s sake, she’s wearing leg warmers.

So here’s the logical premise that we’re working under – Raiden is beatable despite his cosmic status, but much tougher than the necessary game balance inserted into the arcade.  With that said, apparently Raiden cannot be killed – but temporarily destroyed until his essence reforms.  Let me check with the judges – yes, that would in fact count as as victory if it happened.

Since both of these combatants can fly, let’s say our battle happens during a ferocious and massive storm over the North Atlantic lobster grounds.  Mark Wahlberg and George Clooney can be our witnesses.  Oops.

Namor in the water, Raiden in the thunderheads.  So who wins?

I’m going to give the edge of strength to Namor.  Decisively, in fact.  He’s clearly stronger in every representation, particularly when fighting near water.  In addition, Namor is a highly skilled in fighting, comparable perhaps to Raiden’s Nanquan kung fu.  Any time this battle goes to hand to hand or wrestling, Namor is going to bend and break Raiden’s bones.  But here’s the out clause, Raiden channels forth his energy to immolate his body sending millions of Jiggawatts into Namor and then calls to the thunderous skies and teleports out of the Atlantean prince’s death grip.

Raiden can also fly much faster and much more maneuverably than the Submariner, so he’ll be able to keep his distance and blast him with bolts of electricity.  Things are not looking good for Namor at this point.  His only option is to stay beneath the water in hopes of delivering a finishing blow in a burst from the raging seas before Raiden can fly/teleport/immolate or … even better … for Raiden to enter into the watery realm to chase his foe.

My vote is that Raiden is not a complete idiot and doesn’t do it.  Instead he stays above the water, antagonizing is foe with blasts into the tide and vicious insults.  Namor in his notorious hotheadedness leaves the water (remember Reason: Typical 6) and gets blasted into unconsciousness by the full might of the storm god.  BOOM!  Fight over.

But we’ve got a happy ending for once, boys and girls.  Once recovered and in true anti-hero fashion, Namor casts aside his differences and unites with Raiden.  After their battle, together they travel south and sink Japanese whalers near the Antartic to fight eco-terrorism and commercialism, leaving thousands of Tokyo sailors adrift in the dark, icy seas for Cthulu to use as hors d’oeuvres for his pals, Hastur and Yog-Sothoth.  Yay, hump back whales!

The End.