Recently, I received a letter from a reader, seeking advice.  I guess the nearly two year’s worth of columns filled with wisdom, observation on human nature, and dick jokes as proven to my audience that I am like a white, digital Buddha.  Of course, I could never turn away such a request for help.  Here then is that letter … [Read Column]

There are a lot of things that people can say about me that are not only accurate, but also high incriminating.  And mostly I’m proud of these misdeeds.  I’ve already divulged my exploits as a failed insurance cheat, a white devil involved in blaxploitation, the soul crushing hazing that we placed on a physically handicapped pledge brother, and even the secret desires to smack my old boss atop his bald head.  Yes, I am poorly adjusted and marginally neurotic, a barely functioning adult at best.

Let’s be clear though on one issue.  No one has ever claimed that I was a smooth operator with the ladies.  And to prove this I am going to relate to the entire Internet world the story of my first kiss.  Or more accurately the story of when I should have had my first kiss, but … um … didn’t. [Read Column]

Welcome back, faithful readers!  My two-month hiatus to finish my second is finito and the rough draft is done.  I’m happily back to producing poorly contrived, irresponsibly moronic content to only make the Internet less useful.  I like to think that I’m doing the Lord’s work.

Anyways, a lot has happened during the break that could be my lead-in to 2010.  Tiger’s Tool Time, the battle for healthcare reform, Brock Lesnar’s leaky poop tube that nearly killed him, Iran’s quest to surpass Cobra as the biggest bunch of crazy assholes, Google threatening to pull out of China kinda like a teenage boy with his girlfriend, and much much more.  I could have come back with nearly anything.

I decided to talk about the most American traditions – SELLING OUT!!! [Read Column]