Before continuing, make sure you’ve checked out Scary Moments 10-6 in Part 1.

#5 - He Who Kills

Before we watch this next clip from Trilogy of Terror (1975)  let me set it up the scene.  A woman, Karen Black, who has been arguing with her mother over the phone through the course of the opening has been given a Zuni fetish doll with the understanding that a small gold necklace keeps an evil spirit trapped inside the doll.  Of course, the chain comes off and the doll goes berserk.  She finally traps it in her oven and burns the doll to smithereens.  She then opens the oven …

Watch from 4:35 to 6:35.

This may seem silly to you now, but just let your 5 year old watch it.  The doll (i.e. a toy) coming to life with a murderous spirit inside of it is just about as scary as you can imagine.  His named, translated I’m supposing, is He Who Kills.  Then overlay the wickedly sharp teeth of veteran scream star Black as she invites her mother over to be butchered … and bingo bango.

He Who Is Scared shitless.

Just like the babysitter movie above, this one was actually part of a trilogy and spawned a sequel several years later (1996!  Kinda missed the window of opportunity, ya think?).  They all sucked.  But this one rests on the mantle of my colon clinchers.

#4 – We’re Gonna Need A Bigger Boat

If I were to rate movies on their overall sphincter wrenching, Steven Spielberg’s Jaws (1975) would easily be #1.  I was scared of the ocean.  I was scared of lakes.  I was scared of bathtubs.  Fuck man, I was scared to touch the pictures of the sharks in the books in the elementary school libary.  Just because of this movie right here.

But in terms of a defining, single scary scene, the shark movie takes fourth.  The line delivered by Roy Scheider is one of the most famous in movie history and its the first scene where you see the shark (well past an hour into the movie), but to me the scariest part of the film is after Quint is eaten.  Despite my desperate searching there were no clips of this scene (damn copyright!)  The Orca is sinking and Brody is retreating into the cabin for safety.  The water is already up to his chest.  Then …

The shark crashes in through the front windows of the vessel.  Brody desperately beats at it with an oxygen tank to escape and thus sets up the end of the movie.

#3 – The Master Wants You

This is Salem’s Lot (1979).  Another movie from Tobe Hooper (also Texas Chain Saw Massacre).  Actually a TV mini-series.  Chalk full of terrifying shit – such as the rocking chair … or the open grave … or the yellow eyes in the background of the cellar.  Fuck my ass.  Can you believe that this movie was released on public TV back in the 70s?  Holy geez.  No wonder I’m so neurotic.

This movie kicks the shit out of all the stuff you see nowadays, including the horrible TNT remake in 2004.  The scene above is the first appearance of the Master, Kurt Barlow, in his full nosferatu glory.  He was brilliantly portrayed by the disfigured, but gifted character actor Reggie Nalder.  As a credit to Tobe Hooper and writer Paul Monash, they changed the book’s sophisticated vampire into the growling, Germanic beast you see on the screen.  Nicely done, sirs.

But there’s another scene that I want to share with you … one that made me distrust my own brother until I was about … oh say … 26 years old.

If you see your brother or sister or mother or father or best friend floating outside your window … do what I’d do … call Bruce Campbell and hide under the bed sheets until he arrives.

#2 – They’re Here

Wow. Another toy come to live with the intent to kill its harmless and cute brown-haired boy master. I can see why I thought this was so scary.  And guess who put this masterful flick to life?  Yep, Tobe Hooper again.  Poltergeist (1982) was a collaboration with Spielberg (see #4), who served as producer and writer … and according to some sources a second director.  Whatever, I don’t care who ultimately gets top credit.  Two heavyweights combining to create a genuinely well-written and scary as hell movie.

That’s enough for me.  Too bad the 74 movies that followed amount to a pile of steaming elephant dung.

And then there is the whole ‘half the crew and actors have died’ angle that makes watching it now even more intriguing.  And the fact that the little girl (Heather O’Rourke) is so cute she’s creepy.

She should hang out those Shining sisters.

#1 – Wanna See Something Really Scary?

Okay.  WTF.

The Twilight Zone (1983) movie is supposed to be weird, creepy, and sometimes thoughtful.  Just like the TV show, right?  Its not supposed to numb my spinal cord like Nazi shock treatment.  When I saw that scene as a kid, I couldn’t feel my appendages.  I sat in place, unmoving, unblinking, with my mouth open like I had been tasered.  That may be one reason I nearly developed Tourettes.  Shit! Fuck! Dick!

The real effectiveness of this is scene is two-fold.  Firstly, it is slow building and innocuous.  It never gives you an indication that something is coming.  Secondly, they cast comedians!  Dan Aykroyd alongside Albert Brooks.  What a brilliant move, because I never saw it coming.  And I guarantee you, no one else did either.

When he turns around to hide his face, I couldn’t imagine what he was doing.  Not a clue.  I was thinking, that’s weird, is he going to hold his face with his fingers?  And then presto!  He’s a ravenous, grave ghoul with a hunger for Jewish comedians.  Holy fuck.  Not only scared shitless, but no logs for an entire week.

Even when I watch it now – knowing full well what is going to happen – I get this dread in remembering my shock and terror as a little kid.

And … the movie also produced the famous, “There’s Something on the Wing!” with John Lithgow.

Those two shorts are enough to make this movie legendary, but its the car scene that opens that scared me the most.

The most of all. Well done.  Well done.