t has been a hell of a millennium so far for Superhero movies after a less than impressive 1990s and, quite frankly, a downright embarrassing 1980s. Should we even mention the 70s or 60s? We as a species have finally figured out how to make awesome movies with super-powered heroes and villains. Thanks be to Galactus.

These were the stories that defined my childhood. I wasn’t running around my house pretending to be John Wayne or a fireman or an astronaut. I was pretending to be the Incredible Hulk. So to see the ongoing crapfest during my childhood that was visiting the cinema each year, particularly with my favorite brand (Marvel), was in a word … heartbreaking.

There were baby steps along the way, small moments of brilliance amid a desolate wasteland of fetid turds. Hits such as Superman (1978), of course The Incredible Hulk serial (1978-82), Batman (1989), and Blade (1998). At last, after years and years of waiting, the genre exploded with the genre defining X-Men (2000). Woo Hoo!

I was already 24 years old. Damn.

Since then Marvel and DC have rattled off movie after movie each year. In 2011 alone, we saw Thor, X-Men: First Class, Green Lantern, and Captain America: The First Avenger and 2012 looks to be even bigger (Ghost Rider 2, The Avengers, The Amazing Spider-Man, and The Dark Knight Rises). Lots and lots of super-movies. So many in fact, that you’d think that Hollywood would have a basic understanding of the rules of making a superhero movie.

And yet, somehow … they don’t.

But never fear, business executives masquerading as studio producers, I am here to save the day. Here are the 10 Rules of Superhero Movies.

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